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Tag: happiness

  • 10 Useful Things To Do On Days When You Just Want To Give Up

    10 Useful Things To Do On Days When You Just Want To Give Up

    Life is a bunch of emotions. Sometimes, you feel like you are on top of the world; you feel on top of every situation and everything is panning out easily… but then on other days, everything is going downhill! There are days when nothing goes as planned and you just want to give up.

    It might get so bad that you feel like you have no choice but to give up on yourself, your relationship, your dreams, goals, and ambitions, or even your entire life.

    Are you in one of those difficult moments in life when you are just about giving up on everything and everyone? Are you wondering why your life seems different from everyone else’s? Be calm. Because it’s not about you and your life. It’s about the nature of this world. Life is not a bed of beautiful roses (even though there are no ugly roses).

    Just like there are sunny days, there are always going to be rainy days. But remember, if there was nothing like heavy rain, there wouldn’t be anything like a beautiful rainbow. In other words, there are always two sides to life: pain and pleasure. 

    Life will certainly throw all sorts of things at you. Some might make you happy, others will make you completely worn out. But the most important thing is your reaction to such situations – the steps you finally choose to take during those moments when you just want to give up. Those are key moments when a lot of things about your life will be determined.

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    What To Do When You Want To Give Up

    With that said, we could all use a little help with going through such tough times. Here are 10 things you should do when you want to give up and life just seems hopeless.  

    1. Determine Why You Want to Give Up 

    Before you can ever find a solution to a problem, the first step to take is to find out the cause. Before prescribing a cure, you have to diagnose first! This approach is pretty reliable both in medicine and in every other sphere of life.

    When you are contemplating quitting, the first thing you should ask yourself is, “Why am I giving up so easily?” It’s after you find out “why” that you’ll understand “how” to tackle the problem.

    There are many possible reasons we tend to give up on our missions, ambitions or even people. But those reasons are usually centered on one thing; discomfort. We mainly give up once the pain, distress, or suffering becomes seemingly unbearable. It’s understandable though — because we humans are naturally wired to crave comfort. 

    Nobody sees pleasure and prefers pain! We all want to be in a place where we feel comfortable. But unfortunately, that’s far from what life offers us. While we savor pleasure, we can’t escape the traces of pain that come with it. 

    Once you know the central reason you are giving up so easily, you have to toughen up and face the world squarely.

    What To Do When You Just Want To Give Up

    2. Remember The Reason You Started And Where You Are Headed

    A young man once narrated what motivates him. In his words:

    “I’m a self-employed who is struggling to take his career to the next level. At times, I chase a deal for months but to no avail. Sometimes, I spend many weeks without a single income. Other times, life hit me so hard that I just want to give up. But one thing that keeps me going is whenever I remember where I’m coming from and where I’m headed… Whenever I remember how much my mom, dad, and siblings count on me, I just can’t stop.”

    This story exemplifies the power of knowing where you are coming from and where you are going. That’s exactly what you should think of on days you just want to give up.

    ALSO READ: How To Stop Wasting Time And Become Productive

    3. Remember It Usually Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

    Life is a mystery. Sometimes it works in ways you don’t really understand. Life is also about balance. You can tell because there are always two ways to everything; whenever you think of darkness, there is light. Whenever you think of nights, there are days. And when you feel so cold, you expect warmth.

    When you feel like giving up, always remember that it is usually darkest before dawn. Remember, life is neither all about sadness nor happiness. So, you can be assured that your good day is just around the corner — even in your darkest moments. 

    While you keep striving, also retrace your steps, try out new things, adopt a different approach. Push on. 

    READ NOW: 9 Powerful Ways To Stop Thinking Negative Thoughts

    4. Be Realistic With Your Expectations 

    Life is tough already. But then don’t make it tougher by holding on to unrealistic expectations.

    One of the greatest things that aggravate the pressure we’re already in is our expectations. I mean; why wouldn’t you be under pressure when you often listen to people that claim perfection? Why wouldn’t the pressure be too much on you when you only patronize ideas that promise quick results? Why wouldn’t you find it difficult to cope when you only hang out with people who give no room for mistakes?

    You see, things will be easier if you become more realistic with what you seek and the result you expect. Only listen to people who have been through your present situation; people who are familiar with your reality.

    Pay attention to people who understand that it is okay to fail, then rise again. Listen to those who understand that the journey will be long and tough at times. With such people around you, your expectations will be more realistic and you’ll stop being unnecessarily hard on yourself.

    5. Take It One Step At A Time 

    Another reason you probably feel like giving up is because you are overwhelmed by all sorts of ideas regarding how to make things better. When you keep getting lots of possible solutions into your head, they become difficult to apply, and consequently, you end up being frustrated.

    If you are in this kind of situation, the best solution is to take it one step at a time. Trying too many things at a time will only get you worked up and confused. Hence, in whatever you do, endeavor to simplify. 

    Concentrate on the basic aspects of life that matter most. For instance, instead of beating yourself up that you are not doing enough to satisfy your partner the way they want, you can simply concentrate on loving them genuinely. Because the basis of every relationship is love.

    ALSO READ: How To Be Happy In Life Despite Your Circumstances

    6. Practice Gratitude 

    On those days when you just want to give up, look back to — let’s say, five years ago — and remember how far you’ve come. Be grateful for the little success you’ve attained. Trust me, not everyone has been so fortunate. So be thankful and appreciate yourself a little more.

    Think about all the rivers you’ve crossed (okay maybe not literally), all you’ve achieved, and all you’ve learned over the years. Is it worth throwing all those things away by giving up? 

    RELATED READ: 50 Gratitude Journal Prompts To Help You Live Your Dream Life

    7. Be Inspired; Be Motivated 

    This is a little trick that works wonders. 

    Motivation – it’s everywhere. It’s up to you to select your source.

    For instance, your motivation could be the birds of the air that have no one to depend on, yet they survive. Your motivation could be the deep blue oceans with neither beginning nor end, yet they have direction. 

    You can also be inspired by someone else’s story. You can access such stories by reading motivational books, watching motivational videos, listening to related podcasts, and so on. Using motivational reminders can go a long way to keep your passion and drive alive. And of course, that’s exactly what you need whenever life seems tricky.

    8. Seek Support 

    Yes, it’s okay to seek help! Don’t feel uncomfortable to seek support when the burden seems too overwhelming. Don’t disconnect yourself from others or conceal your feelings of frustration. Remember, a problem shared, they say, is a problem half-solved. 

    Reach out to your friends,  family, colleagues, co-workers, or any other person you can confidently talk to so you can ease yourself a bit and clear your mind from what is pulling you down. You never know, they might even end up giving you the inspiration you need to get back up.

    9. Take A Break

    Okay so recently, your life has been chaotic. You are as confused as confusion itself! And now, you are thinking of quitting entirely. Well, before you proceed, let me ask; have you considered taking a break — let’s say for a few weeks or a couple of months — then get back and try again?

    Often, the reason you feel like giving up is because you worked so hard to the extent that you forgot to take a break. Self-care should be made a fundamental part of your life because fatigue is very real. 

    That little time you couldn’t give yourself for rest could end up costing you days or weeks (of work) in the hospital. 

    ALSO READ: 10 Valuable Things You Will Regret Not Doing Sooner

    10. Think About The Consequences Of Quitting

    Finally, before you give up, think about the consequences of quitting! Many superstars you know today failed many times, but they never gave up. They kept pressing!

    Before you quit, remember Walt Disney who was fired by a magazine firm because he allegedly “lacked imagination and had no good ideas”. If he had given up on his dreams, he wouldn’t have become the founder of the famous Disney business.

    Before you quit, think about the possible bright future you are also throwing away. The aftermath of quitting is a failed dream.

    Do you still want to give up? 

    Quitting should never be an option as long as you know where you are coming from and where you’re going.

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    What To Do When You Just Want To Give Up
  • 30 Easy Ways To Make Someone Happy Today

    30 Easy Ways To Make Someone Happy Today

    It’s normal for anyone to get cranky, touchy or worked up every now and then. Seems like everyone on the equator has got a blue feeling to deal with lately, but hold up! Time to snap out of all that. Here are some quick and easy ways to make someone happy and make them smile today.

    Why make someone smile?

    Being alive is a gift and we shouldn’t forget that we must move on,  make the most of every opportunity to live a happy life and make others happy too. Speaking of making others happy, sometimes we feel like people differ and we seldom have a clue on what to do to bring a smile to someone’s face. 

    Nevertheless, there are few general ways to make people happy and brighten their day. Here are 30 sweet ways to make someone happy. It’s as easy as 1, 2…30!

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    Easy ways to make someone happy:

    1. Give Compliments

    Everyone loves to be told how awesome their hair looks or how lovely their outfit is. Complimenting people is a sure fire way to get them in a good mood. So when next a friend comes visiting, putting on a sad face, you could change their foul mood by letting them know how amazing their outfit looks. To make someone happy, keep the compliments rolling in.

    2. Smile

    A smile is contagious and laughter spreads faster. So next time you’re racking your brain on how to make someone happy, you could just smile while letting them know all will be well.

    3. Lend A Shoulder

    When  people go through difficult times or are just having a bad day, one way to chase away the blue feeling and make them happy is by being their listening ear and lending a shoulder for them to cry on. 

    When people talk about a problem or something that bothers them, the weight of worry and anxiety is often lifted off their mind. Who knows? You might even have the perfect solution to that problem. So when someone’s having a difficult time, have them talk to you about it (as long as they are comfortable with it). Remember, a problem shared is half solved.

    4. Surprise Visits 

    Imagine showing up at the front porch of your long time friend who you have not seen for a loooong time. The surprise, excitement and happiness that comes with this is enough to light up their world. 

    However, if you’re going to do this, ensure you actually have an idea of the schedule of your host in order to avoid hiccups in your plans. Surprises are great, but only when they come at the right time.

    5. Give To Charity

    Another great way to spread happiness and good tidings around you is by giving to charity. Charity homes and organizations sometimes lack basic amenities and supplies to keep them running effectively and a good way to make not just one person but a group of people happy is by giving to them. 

    Giving food supplies, clothing, beddings, toiletries and money are ways of spreading your kindness to others.

    6. Organize and Participate In Fundraisers

    Participating in fundraisers to help raise awareness about certain issues or raise funds for the needy and homeless will go a long way to make others happy.

    How To Make Someone Happy Today
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    7. Volunteer

    Being part of a community service not just because you’re an offender or serving detention but because you feel the need to is a way of spreading kindness. Sparing some hours to help make sure the community is up and running is such a beautiful way to make someone happy. 

    8. Call

    Everybody is into the whole 21st century texting, tagging and DM-ing that we only resort to calling people when we need help. For some people, calling feels like going back to the 90s. So when next you want to put a smile on your friend’s face, you could switch from the routine sending of texts by calling to check on them. I bet your call will have them smiling in seconds.

    9. Give Out 

    Okay so you probably do the traditional garage sales to make some cash off the things you don’t need in the house anymore. Great! However, you can be a little bit spontaneous this year. 

    You can organize a garage sale and have people come around then give those items away rather than sell them. If you can’t afford to give everything out, you can sell some and give out others.

    10. Check Up On Your Parents

    At times we get too busy with adulthood, routines and chasing the bag that we forget about primary relationships like the ones with our parents. They in turn are often unhappy  about our absence at home. 

    So, a good way to make them happy and keep up with the tracks you may have missed with them is by checking up on them. You can choose to pay them a visit or call them, either ways, you will be putting a smile on their faces.

    11. Spread Laughter

     Making people laugh till their ribs crack is like magic. And you don’t have to be a stand-up comedian to pull this off. Telling jokes, narrating a funny incident, sharing funny memes, stickers and cartoons are great starters. Of course, you can also get them a ticket to watch a stand-up comedy show!

    12. Lend A Helping Hand

     From helping someone pull up a zipper to fixing a broken screen and taking the clothes away from the line when it’s about to rain, nothing is too small to make someone smile. So when next someone is in need of help and you know it’s within your capacity to lend a hand, do not hesitate to do so.

    13. Give A Tip

    When you go out and you’d like to spread the aroma of kindness and happiness, you could tip the waiter or tell the cab driver to keep the change. A few dollars won’t hurt your pocket (much), rather it will make someone happy.

    14. Cheer

     You could be a cheerleader for a friend or colleague who’s got some challenges to deal with (no need to put on a mini skirt though).  Telling them how strong and capable they are and giving them words of encouragement when they’ve got issues to deal with or a presentation coming up will not only make them happy, but it will also boost their morale to do better.

    15. Help With The Chores

    So what if a friend tells you about how not so good their day went and how cranky that made them feel, and you’ve got little or no idea on what to do to make them feel better? Well, here’s one way.

     You could show you care by showing up at their house with some words of encouragement and some superpowers too. Helping them with the chores, petty tasks and cleaning the house will surely put a huge smile on their face. 

    16. Offer To Make Dinner

    Making sure your friend doesn’t go to bed on an empty stomach is a great way to show your kindness and lift their mood. So if you’ve got good culinary skills, then here’s a chance to put them to good use. Be a good person today by making their favorite meal or snack.

    17. Hangout With A Friend

    Just in case helping out with the chores feels like a feat too challenging to achieve and your culinary skills are nothing to speak of, you could make someone feel better by taking them out. Their favorite spot or restaurant are fun places they will greatly appreciate and be happy about.

    18. Write A Letter

    I know the days of fax machines and postal services are far spent. However, you can still make a loved one happy by writing to them. You could write about how wonderful they are and how blessed you are to have them, then have your delivery service finish the work. They’ll be so happy about it! 

    19. Commend

    When someone needs a referral or recommendation from you, not hesitating to help (as long as they actually deserve it) will go a long way to help their career. The same goes for writing reviews for your service providers and the products you consume. 

    Giving them a good review won’t hurt especially when it is well deserved. They are humans too, rather than leave that space blank, commend their efforts!

    20. Be grateful

    When people do things for you, say thank you. It’s simple courtesy.  Also, letting your friends, siblings, partner, or teammates know how glad you are to have them with you will go a long way in making them feel appreciated and loved. You shouldn’t always be expecting things from others, do your part to give what you can, no matter how little.

    21. Be Polite

    Nobody likes being disrespected. An act of kindness and politeness might be what will make someone’s day especially when they’ve had a haughty boss or colleague to deal with all day long.

    22. Plan A Surprise Holiday

    When next you want to make a friend happy and you’re well boxed up for it, you could go out of your way to plan a surprise weekend getaway. To make things more spicy, you could have them all set and packed and not let them know until you’re on the way to your destination. They’ll be thrilled! Of course, be sure their schedule allows for this before attempting such a surprise! 

    23. Sing

    Whether your vocal cords are as good as Celine Dion’s or they are as terrible as a bear’s (can bears even sing?), singing for a friend is a perfect mood lifter and a good way to make them happy.  

    It’s either you get them smiling with admiration and blushing or rolling on the floor with laughter at your attempt to deliver a good performance. Either way, you’ll be spreading happiness.

    24. Give Thoughtful Gifts

    Perhaps your friend has been complaining about their faulty mobile device or they won’t stop talking about a stunning outfit they noticed some days ago. How about you make them delighted by getting them those things? They will definitely appreciate it.

    25. Say Hello

    Smiling and saying “hello” to a stranger could make them smile back and leave a happy memory in their heart. 

    26. Apologize

    When things turn sour or go haywire between you and a friend, and you are at fault, the best way to restore your relationship and be happy again is by apologizing sincerely. Saying “I’m sorry” when you mean it works a great deal of magic here.

    27. Spend Quality Time

    By now, you should be aware that making others happy is not always about giving them material things. Although physical gifts are awesome, the best gift you can give someone is your time. An important way to make a loved one happy is by spending quality time with them. 

    28. Remember Special Events

    If you remember dates that are special to someone, you will win a place in their heart. Observing/celebrating those days with  them will not only strengthen your bond, but it will also make them glad to have you in their life.

    29. Give Reassurance

    Sometimes, what someone who feels down wants to hear is how much better things can be, how great they are doing and what things they can do to be a better person. What other way is there to warm their heart other than being the one to give these reassuring words?

    30. Be Happy With You

    “Make someone smile everyday, but don’t forget  you are someone too.” – Anonymous.

    Yeah! It’s good to be a universal joy giver and cheerleader, however, it’s also important to understand that you cannot pour from an empty cup. You have got to look after yourself first. Practice self care, understand what’s best for you and do it.

    Do your favorites, chase the bag but don’t forget to relax and enjoy the benefits of your work too. Be happy with you. It is only when you are happy that you will be well motivated to spread the happiness within you.  Who knows? Someone might be motivated by your happiness to be happy too!

    Related reads:

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  • 10 Tips To Be A Better Listener And Build Stronger Relationships

    10 Tips To Be A Better Listener And Build Stronger Relationships

    Communication is a two-way thing; speaking and listening. But often, people tend to incline towards speaking more than listening. Today I want to share some tips with you on how you can be a better listener.

    Nobody wants to listen. Everybody wants to speak.

    Do you remember having a conversation with your boss, and you were always thinking about what next to say? At that point, not all your attention was on what your boss was saying — even though you were listening. Or perhaps you were having an argument with your partner without really understanding their point because you were already coming up with your retort.

    This is because half of your brain was processing his messages in bits and fractions, while the other half was busy readying a response. And as a result, you ended up not understanding exactly what the other person was telling you. 

    It’s simple; you were more concerned with your response than your boss’s message.

    But then, it’s not entirely your fault. After all, we all naturally prefer to be heard — even when it means not hearing others. That is why today, there are very few who can communicate effectively. 

    Why Become A Better Listener?

    Unfortunately, poor communication can single-handedly cost you a lot in life. Many people fail important interviews because they don’t listen before they speak. Also, ineffective communication can result in a meltdown in an organization as all involved parties fail to deliver or process  received messages. As a result, there’ll be poor teamwork, misunderstandings and conflict.

    So, the point is; if you aim to communicate more effectively, then you have to prioritize listening. But not to worry, carefully compiled here are 10 tips that will help you be a better listener. Let’s get right into it!

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    How To Become Better At Listening

    1. Do Not Try To Give The Best Response

    The reason many people fail to communicate effectively is that they focus more on giving the best possible response than receiving the message effectively. In a bid to give the best reply, we divide our mental faculty into two; one listening subconsciously, the other preparing for a response. Not very wise I tell you. 

    The moment you listen subconsciously while trying to figure out a good response, you will most likely get lost in thoughts. That’s why you often appear absent-minded during conversations.

    How can you deal with this?

    During conversations, remind yourself to avoid drafting any response in your mind. This might seem difficult at first because it’s always easy to drift into thinking mode… But over time, you’ll certainly get used to worrying less about your responses.

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    2. Stay Quiet When Necessary

    “Silence…”, they say, “… is golden”.

    One of the best ways to be a better listener is by remaining silent when the other person is speaking! No wonder Epictetus said; “Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”

    The truth is, many of us can’t process a message quickly. That is why after someone stops talking, you tend to find that you don’t have an immediate response. In such situations, even if the silence feels awkward, don’t panic and hurry into a response. You might end up sounding stupid.

    Instead, take a chill pill and pause for a second, while you recollect and process every piece of information you received (of course, not an exaggeratedly long time that will make the other person think you’ve zoned out!). This will enable you to compile your thoughts and draft a meaningful response. 

    Fortunately, you won’t require so much time to come up with a reply. Just a few seconds of silence will go a long way to solve the puzzle and nobody will notice it. 

    3. Listen For The Sake Of Learning 

    Another good way to be a better listener is by listening to learn! When listening to your favorite teacher who teaches your favorite subject (sounds too good to be true huh), there is no way you won’t understand whatever he says. The reason is that you listened to learn — because you are interested in the subject.

    Now, you can do the same when having normal conversations with your friends, co-workers, or even your boss. Listen as if you are learning from them. Sure, you might not literally learn a lesson from every conversation you hold with someone, but at least, when you listen to learn, you’ll certainly understand the direction of the conversation.

    Here is a trick that will help you to listen and learn:

    Tell yourself; “I will tell someone else everything about this discussion later on”. This idea will force you to naturally be alert and attentive while the conversation is underway. You will be forced to ask more questions and as a result, you’ll remember all the vital points.

    4. Maintain Eye Contact 

    Eye contact, eye contact, eye contact, eye contact… Okay, I’ll stop repeating this now. Maintaining steady (or at least moderate) eye contact during a conversation can perform some real magic! There is a positive energy that comes with looking at the face of the person you’re discussing with as it draws your full attention to the discussion.

    On the other hand, looking around and avoiding regular eye contact will make it seem like you are not listening. That’s often why people ask, “Are you listening to what I’m saying?” If you are not used to regular eye contact, it might take you a long while to master the art. But then, keep practicing. 

    5. Don’t Be Forced To Speak Because Of A Pause

    This remains a major challenge as long as effective communication is concerned. Most people are quite uncomfortable whenever there seems to be silence during a conversation.

    You shouldn’t perceive any single pause as an opportunity to start talking again. Just so you know, in group meetings, people normally wait for silence before they can spring into action and make some point. 

    Besides, everyone needs a few seconds to prepare their point, so it’s normal to have a few pauses during conversations… And you must learn to leave those pauses alone. Talk only when you want to make a point, not because the other person is silent and you are uncomfortable with it. 

    In this line of thought, Plato asserted; “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something”.    

    6. Put Away That Phone 

    This is where most of us are found wanting. Most times, we are carried away by our smartphones that we hardly concentrate well during important conversations.

    Surfing the internet with your mobile phone while trying to listen to someone usually results in missing some part of the discussion. Moreover, the person (who is speaking) will be disappointed — because it appears you are not listening to them.

    Therefore, if you can, just put down the phone while listening, unless you want to type out something regarding the conversation.

    7. Ask Questions When Necessary — Don’t Try To Mind-Read

    Another important way to be a better listener is by asking questions if you have to. Don’t be tempted to mind-read the other person because it is quite difficult (if not impossible) to read minds! 

    You’ll agree that many of us have tried to read minds on many occasions. In fact, many conversations are initiated from mind reading. To deal with this, whenever you feel the impulse to make assumptions, just pause. If possible, caution yourself inwardly. Learn to be more curious. Be free to ask questions.

    8. Always Summarize

    Although it is okay to pay attention to detail — if you must be a good listener — you have to pay attention to the summary as well. Especially if the speaker has a lot to say. Taking a few seconds to summarize what someone has said makes it a lot easier to understand the full statement.

    9. Acknowledge The Words Of The Other Person

    As I said earlier, communication is a two-way thing; to speak and to listen. 

    To ensure that effective communication is taking place, you not only listen but also have to acknowledge the words of the speaker. Doing this gives the speaker an impression that you are actually listening to them.

    Acknowledging other people’s words might be in the form of replying “hmm”, “uhmm”, “yes”, “wow”, etc. It makes every speaker feel heard, respected, and appreciated. Of course, don’t exaggerate this. If you keep repeating “hmm, wow” to every single thing said, it will become obvious you’re “mindlessly listening”.

    10. Suggest What You Did In A Similar Situation

    If done correctly (especially when asked for advice), sharing what worked for you in a similar situation is another way to prove that you truly understood the other person. It also builds a kind of connection and synergy between the two of you while the conversation is going on.

    However, you should avoid intruding on the other person (with your experience) while they are still speaking or trying to make a point – that’s a bad listening habit.

    Related Reads:

    Final Thoughts

    In conclusion, always remember that, first, communication is not all about speaking but also about listening. Second, you are not in any form of competition with anybody to make a better point. So, speak only when necessary!

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  • 8 Tips On How To Remove Toxic People In Your Life

    8 Tips On How To Remove Toxic People In Your Life

    In life, we meet different kinds of people — the good, the bad, and the ugly (and definitely the ugly-disguised-as-good too). But life is too short to have draining and toxic people sucking up all your energy. So today I want to share some tips on how to remove toxic people in your life.

    Though ordinarily, we would prefer to cross paths with only those who bring smiles to our faces, the reality is; both the bad and ugly fellas who bring discomfort to our lives play a part in molding us into who we are — if not for anything, their criticisms make us stronger than ever.

    Life can never be complete if you only have one caliber of people in it. We need an element of goodness, badness, and ugliness to strike the required balance.

    Having a few bad people around you isn’t the main issue here. The major problem is knowing how to manage them and keep them in their places, especially since some people may not be so easy to get rid of. For instance, if the bad person is your mom, it’s not as simple as writing her off your life for good.

    However, nowadays, many people have more bad and ugly people to deal with than they ever had good ones. This in turn makes life simply miserable for them. In that case, it’s important to detoxify your life by eliminating such people from it. And of course, that’s what we’ll be dissecting in this article!

     

     

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    But then, who is a toxic person?

    Let’s not get this all wrong. The truth is, a lot of people use the word “toxic” where it is far from necessary.

    Some people are simply annoying and difficult to deal with.

    You can’t call such people toxic. And you are not meant to handle a difficult person the same way you deal with a toxic person.

    Say, for instance, you have a friend who;

    • Takes over and monopolizes
    • Always is the center of attention
    • Won’t return your phone calls, e-mails, texts, etc.
    • Won’t get committed to anything
    • Isn’t accountable and doesn’t take responsibility
    • Tells some “white lies”
    • Tends to say what you like to hear — not necessarily the truth

    Such a friend is actually a difficult and annoying person to deal with. Once you understand them better, you can still compromise and have a relationship with them. However, if a difficult person is not kept in their place, such difficulty could intensify into toxicity.

    On the other hand, if you are mixed up with a really toxic person, you’ll notice that they are;

    • Manipulative
    • Abusive
    • Easily angered
    • Bully you with unnecessary jokes and demeaning remarks
    • Negative
    • Always in crises and often play the victim
    • Always Right — never buy other people’s views
    • Habitual liars
    • Trouble makers – relish seeing others tremble in fear
    • Enjoy seeing others in difficulty
    • Envious
    • Often with ulterior motives
    • Twist your words and give them a negative meaning
    • Without boundaries
    • Always leaving you feeling drained

    Now, there is no doubt a toxic person is far deadlier than just a difficult person as they tend to halt your progress and stall your general growth. So, the urgency in eliminating them from your life is… pretty high. 

    The magic question now is, how do you remove toxic people in your life?

     

     

    How To Remove Toxic People In Your Life

    Getting rid of toxic people can hit back at you if you don’t go about it the right way — just like surgery can either cure a patient or complicate issues if not well done.

    On that note, here are 8 realistic tips on how to remove toxic people in your life:

     

     

    1. Identify Toxicity And It’s Side Effects

    In order to cure a disease, you first have to diagnose it. To eliminate toxic people, you must first identify their traits and understand the dangers of keeping them around!

    It might be difficult for a toxic person to completely undermine your efforts towards self-improvement. But then, what if they do? The best-case scenario is; they will stall your progress. And I’m sure you don’t want to keep someone hell-bent on bringing you down. 

    A toxic fella can make you second-guess yourself on vital decisions. They make you feel sad, uncomfortable, and even ashamed about your improvement. Like, what the heck man?

    Another severe danger attached to toxicity is that it is highly infectious! You might just end up adopting the same toxic qualities you despise in others — because toxic people have a unique way of making you toxic yourself. That’s how it works. It’s pretty common to see such incidents. And often, it happens without you realizing it.

    For instance, have you ever worked under a toxic boss? They bully, intimidate, hate, and manipulate you until you start building a hard shell as a defense mechanism. Before you know it, you’re already becoming irritable to your junior colleagues — just like your boss! Consequently, the toxicity continues to spread within the organization. 

    Understanding how dangerously infectious such people can be will move you into taking the necessary measures to limit their influence in your life.

     

     

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    2. Bear In Mind That It Can Take Some Time

    Another thing you should understand is that removing toxic people in your life is one hell of a job — it takes time! You have to be rational enough to take it gradually. Toxic people are pretty resilient and will always be on your neck. Even when you try to shut them out, they tend to come back.

    So, you have to bear in mind that it’s a gradual process and will probably take a while. However, you must maintain your resistance.

     

     

    3. Get Clear With Them On Your Boundaries 

    Don’t mince words with such lethal people. Be plain, clear, and precise with them about your likes and dislikes. Get them to know their limits in the most understandable way. Let your intentions be known, and make sure your words are not misconstrued.

    As part of your boundaries, avoid keeping quiet when you sense toxic behavior. Quietness often gives them the idea that you’ve conceded. This motivates them to keep going. If you agree with them partly, simply explain to them the extent to which you agree with them. Like; “I agree with you on…, but I totally disagree with you on the rest.”

    Also, don’t just set the boundaries, you also have to stick to them as firmly as possible. Failing to do so will mean you having those toxic people sneak back into your life!

    If you’ve already decided not to return their texts, you don’t have to be tempted to text them back just to fulfil all righteousness. If you’ve already blocked them on Instagram, please don’t be tempted to unblock. 

    Setting a boundary for toxic people is good, but maintaining that boundary is far more important.

     

     

    4. Remember, You Owe Them No Explanation

    To be honest; you actually don’t owe negative people any explanation as to what you’ve decided or the boundaries you’ve set.

    Sure, it’s okay to make yourself well understood. But then any further explanation you’re giving them is likely giving them more grounds to counter you. So, say what you must say, and keep your cool thereafter.

    Be kind enough to let them know that both of you have gotten to the end of the road in the relationship and it’s time to call it a day. Preferably, just keep it as simple as ABC; tell them you no longer need them in your life. There is no need to give them room for further debate! Ain’t nobody got time for that.

     

     

    5. Be Nice, But Then Don’t Overdo It

    It has never been recorded that being good is evil. We often hear people telling sad tales on how they regret being kind to a bad person. But the truth is; nobody regrets being kind. You only regret kindness when you weren’t kind in the first place. You only feel remorse for kindness when you faked it or when it didn’t come from the real you. Genuine kindness shouldn’t hurt no matter the final outcome.

    That being said, you can easily extend your kindness to toxic people. Be compassionate at times and give them the benefit of doubt. Listen to them if they have any complaints —  know if there is any way you can help. Just because they complain always doesn’t mean they don’t have real burdens or difficulties. Perhaps complaining is the only way they can express themselves. It’s also possible they feel like no one is listening, so they keep complaining and hoping that one day someone might finally understand them.

    Sure, due to their toxicity, they may accuse you no matter how nice you are to them. But remember, the kindness is just you being yourself. First, you’ll feel good when you are real. Secondly, you’ll appreciate yourself more if you don’t stoop to their level and join their negativity. 

    Always bear in mind that even when you are kind, such negative people will refer to you as unkind. It is part of their ploys to frustrate you and get you off balance. Disregard such weak tactics of theirs and keep being yourself!

    Nonetheless, you should also be sensible enough to know when to step away. Being kind doesn’t mean you should go around drinking with toxic people. Exposing yourself unnecessarily makes you quite vulnerable.

     

     

    6. Minimize Having Conversations With Them

    If you must, mind the kind of topics you discuss with them. This is very important. 

    One of the best ways to remove toxic people in your life — or at least limit the threat they pose — is by reducing the rate at which you hold conversations with them. The more you talk to toxic people, the more likely you are to get hurt. 

    If you must discuss with such people, let it be fact-based communication. Ensure the topic is purely relatable to everyone, as in, common (objective) knowledge.

    Avoid involving yourself with them in topics that have to do with sentiments, subjectivism or personal perceptions. No need discussing topics related to politics, religion, culture, ethnicity, race, even sports! Simply put, if you get yourself involved in such, it’s definitely going to be a disaster. It won’t end well.

    There are instances where people got seriously hurt (emotionally) because they weren’t smart enough to be careful with the topics they discussed with this type of people. On some occasions, it went as far as resulting in physical abuse. So, trust me on this; you have to tread cautiously.

     

     

    7. Know Your Weaknesses And Accept Them

    There is a popular saying that goes; you don’t fall down when you’re already on the ground! Dealing with toxicity is not child’s play. It can get to the extent that such a poisonous person might discover your weakness and perpetually use it against you.

    To reduce their ability to act on your flaws, you must know and accept your weaknesses. Here is the trick; once they discover you’ve already acknowledged what you suck at, they are less likely to use it against you as it won’t cause much damage. 

    Most negative people are not just comfortable if their hard-devised ploy to infuriate you fails to work on you. So they won’t mock you with the weaknesses you already owned up to. With that, they may just get bored and give up — at least for a while.

    But then, you don’t just stop at owning up to your weaknesses. You have to work on yourself and get better at those things that make you flop. Dedicate your time and energy to self-improvement as it will help boost your confidence against toxic people.

     

     

    8. Keep A Safe Distance And Surround Yourself With Positive People

    Finally, ensure you keep a safe distance from toxic people. Stop calling and texting them if possible. Block them on social media if it becomes a means to reduce the distance. 

    Avoid mingling with people who are likely to draw you closer to any form of toxicity. Rather, surround yourself with positive people. Staying closer to positive people will prevent you from having mixed feelings when you finally let go of toxic people.

    Besides, positive people make you feel safe, cherished and happy. And that’s exactly what you need.

    To conclude, always remember that you own your life, and your happiness is your responsibility. If all it takes to make you happy is to remove toxic people in your life, then what are you waiting for?

     

     

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  • 9 Powerful Ways To Stop Being Judgmental Of Others

    9 Powerful Ways To Stop Being Judgmental Of Others

    Being judgmental; we all have it in us. I mean, is there anyone who can come out boldly and say they have never judged someone else at some point? Heck, they probably didn’t even realize it. But we should all strive to improve ourselves, and learning how to stop being judgmental of others is one way we can all learn to be a bit better.

    You’ve probably found yourself sometimes criticizing someone for what you think is unfair, immoral, or unjust — without placing yourself in their shoes.

    Most times, we fail to get all the necessary details before passing those judgments. Other times, we lay the blame as if we are perfect. Spoiler alert, nobody is!

    Being judgmental is not only about what we say to others but also about how we treat them (via our actions). For instance, have you ever avoided someone because you think they’re a bad person? Have you ever boycotted an event simply because you think it’s for “people of lower social status”? 

    Then truth be told, you’re judgmental in both cases. Even without uttering a word, you already judged them for their personality and social status respectively.

    It is quite unhealthy to blame, criticize, downplay, or mock other people simply because you think they’re not any better. And if you are mixed up in that habit, you need to key into this article to stop being judgmental.

    Judging others is morally, socially, and emotionally undermining. Remember, when you judge others for their wrongdoing, you are not even helping them to become better, you’re only causing them more pain.

    So, instead of passing those harsh judgments, learn to be more friendly and advisory. Instead of being too quick to criticize and blame people, learn to be more inquisitive and empathetic. Understand why they are the way they are… place yourself in their shoes!

    With that said, here are 9 practical ways to stop being judgmental:

     

     

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    1. Understand That No One Is Perfect

    Show me a person who is entirely free of mistakes and I will show you the greatest pretender of our era. It’s simple, we all make mistakes. It’s unavoidable.

    As long as you’re a human, you have your deficiencies — that’s a fact. So being too quick to point out other people’s mistakes isn’t the right thing to do. No wonder a popular quote has it that “he who is sinless should throw the first stone”.

    Instead of judging others for their shortcomings, you have to be more understanding. And the first thing you should understand is; just like the person you are judging, you (and literally everyone) aren’t perfect. We all have our shortcomings.

     

     

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    2. Judge Yourself Not Others

    The best way to refrain from the habit of judging others is to understand that there are lots of things we can judge ourselves for.

    Instead of judging others, focus on your inadequacies, and try to become a better person yourself. This will help you to discover more of your weaknesses and less of others. This way, it will be easier for you to fix yourself.

    Related: 30 Ways To Improve Yourself Little By Little Every Day

     

     

    3. Show More Empathy

    Becoming more empathetic is arguably the biggest step you have to take if you want to stop being judgmental. The world will be a better place if, instead of judging others, you put yourself in their positions and imagine how it feels to be in their shoes.

    The moment you start showing more empathy towards people, your viewpoint about them will change. You will be more engrossed with sympathy than you are engrossed with blames, hence, you won’t judge them! 

     

     

    4. Correct Them Instead Of Criticizing

    It’s far more honorable to be the reason why someone knew better than to be the reason why they gave up on themselves. Many critics see criticism as a way to help people become better at whatever they do. 

    While this is not entirely wrong, often, criticism is more destructive than constructive! Criticism doesn’t work for everyone. Some people were forced to work harder and prove their critics wrong. But many others who faced criticism simply gave up because they felt judged and were left devastated.

    If you want a reliable way to make people grow and get better, then instead of throwing criticism around, simply correct them and show them the right way to go about things.

    People do not get devastated by correction. It is also unlikely for someone to quit because you corrected them… but the same cannot be said about criticism. This is because a correction is constructive, but criticism is destructive.

    So, if you want to stop being judgmental, learn to be more constructive and less destructive — correct people instead of criticizing them.

     

     

    5. Be More Inquisitive!

    Instead of being inclined to judge others, be more determined to know them a little more. Don’t be in a rush to make conclusions about people. Don’t be too quick to condemn or blame people. 

    Instead, learn to spend more time getting to know and appreciate them better. Do not be aggressive to them. Approach them, chat with them, and listen to their stories so you can understand their lives better. 

    When you know people deeper and understand their entire story, you will realize that they’re not really what you think they are.

    Related: How To Have An Abundance Mindset: 10 Habits To Cultivate

     

     

    6. Mind Your Business

    Life, generally, will be much easier and straightforward if we are all determined to mind our business! A lot of the problems in the world could be solved if we learn to focus on ourselves.

    “Be so focused on being happy, improving yourself, and being better than the person you were yesterday that you hardly realize what’s going on with other people around you… In short, mind your business”. ~Dru Edmund Kucherera

    When you’re busy analyzing other people’s lives and looking for their imperfections, your time and energy will be drained and you’ll be less productive in life. Therefore, learn to mind your business — it pays a whole lot (maybe not cash, but you get it).

    Related: How To Remove Negativity From Your Life And Be Happier

     

     

    7. Stop Hating On Them

    One of the main reasons people judge others is that they’re filled with hate. When people despise others, they tend to see only their dark sides. They pick out faults and have lots of ill conclusions to make about them.

    If you truly plan to stop being judgmental of others, you have to get rid of the hatred in your heart. Be kind to people, so you may see their light. Be friendly so you may see their good sides and refrain from judging them.

     

     

    8. Stay Humble

    Another factor that propels people to be judgmental in nature is Pride. When you are so full of yourself, all you will see in others is their weaknesses.

    If you are going to desist from judging people, then you have to stay humble and learn to accept and treat everyone as equals.

     

     

    9. Stop The Jealousy And Envy 

    Being judgmental can also be as a result of severe jealousy and envy. When someone is envious, they feel very uncomfortable with the idea that someone else is better than them. Hence, they will do everything possible to bring them down. Whether it takes being critical or judgmental.

    So, stop it — just stop.

    In addition to this list of ways to stop being judgmental, I’d like to conclude with; allow love to lead. 

    With love, you will neither degrade nor judge others.

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  • 12 Powerful Keys To Success In Life Only Smart People Know

    12 Powerful Keys To Success In Life Only Smart People Know

    Navigating through life can be like a rollercoaster ride. Most successful people passed through a lot before they got to that peak you see today. Really, nothing good comes easily. But there are some tips and keys to success in life which I believe will help you go further, and I want to share them with you today.

    I’m sure you’ve come across so many articles and books on “how to be successful”. Perhaps you haven’t been able to find the answer to your big question, which is what brings you here.

     

     

    What is “success”?

    Everyone has their own perception of what success looks like, but to be successful, you must ensure you are tilting towards the right ideology. For most economists, success is basically measured by your ability to satisfy your unlimited wants (to a large extent) using the available scarce resources. This, in other words, equates success to financial freedom. 

    But then philosophically speaking, “success” is a broader concept and shouldn’t be narrowed down to only “financial freedom”. To a philosopher, success is the ability to obtain whatever gives you ultimate happiness. Of course, it could be money, love, or simply a peaceful home. 

    However, from all indications, and from every definition provided by several experts, one can say that success is simply the ability to find a purpose in life. And honestly, when you find your purpose in life, you will be happy. That explains why people who are truly successful are often happier in life. 

    Success is not all about how much you’ve got in your bank account (although we really wouldn’t mind having a lot in there). It’s not all about those sleek cars, or the expensive jewelry, shoes, and clothes. It’s actually about finding your purpose – which is your source of happiness.

    See, there are people who have all the money and luxury that life can possibly offer, yet, they are not happy. It’s simply because they’ve not found their true purpose.

    The reason you are super happy when you pass a final exam is because at that point in time, you literally achieved your purpose. So, passing an ordinary exam makes you more successful than a wealthy man who is unhappy. 

     

     

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    Success and happiness

    Life is meaningless without happiness. Everything you do, you do it to be happy.

    No wonder Tony Robbins asserted that; “success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain — and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than they do pain”.

    Just so you know, you cannot talk about success without purpose, and you can’t talk about purpose without happiness. So, in order to find your purpose and happiness, you must first understand what exactly success means to you.

    Understanding what success means to you will make you appreciate this article more!

    Now, pay attention, this particular piece is going to be a realistic one… As realistic as possible. Right here, I will take you through a practical guide towards success, because success is not all about what you know, but mainly about what you can do.

    Alright, let’s get to it. Here are 12 real keys to success in life:

     

     

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    1. Envision Your Success

    Every success story starts with a dream. Truly successful people have visions and it is that vision that propelled them to what they are today.

    So, the first key to success in life is to envision your success. Dream about it. Imagine yourself being somewhere great in the near future.

    The best way to do this is to find a quiet moment and ask yourself; where do you want to be in the next five or ten years?

    Meditate on it.

    The moment you ask yourself this question and reflect on it deeply, that’s when your big dreams start. The power of dreams cannot be overemphasized.

    Accordingly, Benjamin Mays insinuated; the tragedy of life is not about failing to achieve your dreams but is mainly about not having any dream to achieve in life.

     

     

    2. Plan For Success 

    After you have envisioned where you want to be, the next thing is to plan towards that dream. You are fully responsible for your success. And part of how to take responsibility for your success is by planning towards it.

    Failing to make plans towards your success is like planning for your failure! The significance of effective planning can never be overstated as far as success is concerned. The moment you start planning towards success, you are already living successfully, because planning is like culture to successful people.

    To plan effectively, here are some great ways to start:

    • Set some realistic goals to have clarity and direction towards anything you want to achieve.
    • Give yourself a deadline – this will motivate you to pursue your goals earnestly.
    • Outline some strategies on how to achieve those goals.
    • Be practical; take it gradually – every little step matters.
    • Finally, ensure you follow up.

     

     

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    3. Sleep And Wake Up Early 

    Success can easily be measured by your level of productivity. And there is no way you can be productive when you have sleeping problems. Sleeping adequately can go a long way to stabilize your life. It relaxes your body and mind – and improves your general wellbeing. Consequently, productivity will not be so difficult to achieve.

    Remember, Benjamin Franklin once said; early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. We all agree that Benjamin knows his stuff, so sleeping and waking up early has always been one of the keys to success in life.

     

     

    4. Be Decisive, Disciplined, And Determined

    I call these three words “The 3-Ds”… Because they strictly go hand in hand, in hand. 

    When it comes to living a successful life, you have to be decisive, disciplined, and determined. First, you have to decide to be successful. This decision comes with your willingness and zeal to start off the journey towards success.

    After you have decided (to succeed), the next in line is the determination to succeed. You need to be strong-willed in order to emerge a winner. Remember, nothing good comes to you easily. There will be lots of tumbling blocks. But your ability to remain tenacious is what truly matters. 

    The next is discipline. Aside from determination, you need to be disciplined enough to stick to your decision until you achieve your desired result. Discipline is the ability to remain steadfast in your mission without deviating or behaving in a way that undermines your entire effort. 

    Being disciplined makes you control and adjust your behavior to fall in line with your decision (goals).

    In a nutshell, when you combine these three and make them your guiding principles, you will simply be invincible!

     

     

    5. Say No To Procrastination

    Say this with me, “Not today, procrastination, not today.” Then repeat this sentence everyday – life hack! 

    Okay in reality, one of the greatest enemies of prosperity is procrastination. It is like a cage that entraps any potential progress you make. In order to succeed, you must take action! Once you fail to make a move, there is no way you can get any result. 

    But then, procrastination ensures you never make any move or take any action. Unfortunately, most of us are not free from this cage. We always find ourselves postponing our tasks from time to time.

    However, in case you missed it, there is only a little distinction between procrastination and failure. That’s why saying no to procrastination is one of the keys to success in life.

    For instance, you might often be distracted by your mobile device, Netflix, social media, etc. These distractions are partly the reason you keep putting off important tasks. 

    The best way to deal with this bad habit is by disciplining yourself. The moment you embrace self-discipline, you’ll learn to shun all the stuff that distracts you during work hours. Before you know it, your level of productivity will increase.

     

     

    6. Improve Your Skills 

    In order for you to emerge one of the very best, you must be willing to put in your best. If you are good at something, you have to work even harder to improve – that is; if you really want to be successful.

    The keys to success in life are not far from your ability to stand out in whatever you do. Whether you’re a writer, artist, doctor, lawyer, or pharmacist. You can only be successful in your profession if you improve your mastery and aptitude.

    Here are some ideas on how to boost your skills: 

    • Buy and read relevant books.
    • Enroll in relevant professional courses.
    • Further your education.
    • Improve your credentials.
    • Get a job that is in line with your skill(s).

     

     

    7. Be Passionate

    Here is one statement of fact; the more passionate you are about success, the more possible it is for you to attain it. Having a passion for what you do will go a long way to propel you to the next level.

    For instance, when you are enthusiastic about your job, it will feel more like a hobby than a job. After all, you love the job, and hence, you will hardly get overworked. 

    In a nutshell, the end-product of passion is efficiency. Therefore, you have to embrace what you love with passion in order to succeed in it.

     

     

    8. Mingle With The Right Set Of People 

    A wise person once said, “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.”  What this implies is that your friends have a far-reaching effect on who you are. If you associate with negative people who are pessimistic about their future, there is no way you’ll be positive and optimistic!  

    Remember, the wrong company corrupts good character. Cliché, perhaps, but true, definitely. Always ensure you surround yourself with positive people who will drag you closer to prosperity.

     

     

    9. Stay Committed And Work Hard

    Commitment, that’s what it is. One can easily argue that hard work and commitment can take you to places where talent and skills can’t.

    If you plan to be successful, you’re determined to be disciplined till the end, and you’re passionate about your success, but you lack commitment – spoiler alert, you won’t make much headway. Your hard work matters a lot.

    Breaking a piece of rock with a hammer can take 999 blows without showing a single crack, but just one final blow (the 1000th) ends up shattering the rock. That doesn’t mean the 999 hits were useless. In fact, they were the most important hits because with “999 pieces of hard work”, it only takes just one more hit to shatter the rock. 

     

     

    10. Embrace Your Downfalls 

    There is a popular saying which insinuates that the failure of a man is not the end of his existence. One of the best definitions of success is that success is the final result of so many failures. It’s normal to embark on a path and experience lots of stumbling blocks. 

    Life is not only about getting knocked down, but about rising again to your feet. You have to embrace your downfalls, learn from them, and improve for the better. And that, people, is how you actually achieve success. 

     

     

    11. Practice Self-Investment 

    Another major key to success in life is to invest in yourself as much as you can. In fact, self-investment is the best form of investment anyone can make. Because, hello, you benefit from it directly.

    And truly, most successful people you see today invested a whole lot in themselves.

    Some realistic ways to invest in yourself are:

    • Read and expand your mental horizon. 
    • Do and learn something new every day.
    • Improve your skills and career growth.
    • Spend time and money on what you really need to live a good life.

     

     

    12. Believe In Yourself 

    You can’t get very far if you don’t believe in yourself. When you are engulfed in the shadow of self-doubt, you will be pessimistic and mostly doubt your abilities. 

    However, believing in yourself generates certain positive energy that can take you to places you never imagined. In essence, you’ll be practically unstoppable.

     

     

    Final Thoughts

    On a final note, these 12 keys to success in life will be useless without your intentional effort towards putting them to practice. You simply have to decide, be determined, be passionate, and above all, embrace self-discipline in order to achieve success.

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  • 9 Powerful Ways To Stop Thinking Negative Thoughts

    9 Powerful Ways To Stop Thinking Negative Thoughts

    Negative thoughts are simply negative – doesn’t get much deeper than that. But unfortunately, most of us don’t even know when we do it! Today I want to share some ideas on how you can catch yourself if you’re putting yourself down and some tips on how to stop thinking negative thoughts.

    Negative thoughts sometimes start when someone criticizes you or says something about you that you really don’t like. Other times we are our own worst critics.

    These thoughts might start as random thoughts or ideas which just flash across your mind…And then, they demoralize you, and start to pull you down. You become so sober and start feeling like you’re one of the worst. And for no good reason, you blame yourself for being you!

    Before you know it, you are so dispirited to the point that you no longer believe in yourself, your abilities, or capabilities. You doubt virtually all your potential moves – and seemingly have lots of good reasons as to why you shouldn’t take any action.

     

     

    Signs Of Negative Thoughts

    Just like a virus enters your body, multiplies, and eventually becomes harmful to your general wellbeing, that’s how negative thoughts get into your head, corrupt your mindset and attitude, and eventually generate lots of toxicity in your entire life.

    That’s why you must be conscious of your thoughts and how they affect your decisions and actions. Because once your actions are driven by those ill-fated, negative thoughts, there is no way you will live that fulfilled life you’ve always craved.

    A major sign that you are inclined to negativity is when you start asking yourself questions like:

    • Why am I not good enough?
    • Why does it feel like my world is the worst?
    • Why does it always happen to me?
    • Why does everyone hate me?
    • Why do I feel overwhelmed?

    Once these thoughts keep occupying your mental space, it’s best you deal with them as soon as possible so they don’t culminate into something devastating! 

    Not to exaggerate – but harboring negative thoughts will definitely have negative impacts on your mental, physical, social, and emotional wellbeing. In other words, your entire life will be negatively affected.

    Do you want to deal with those sad emotional twists? Perhaps you desire to be on top of your game, and in perfect control of your feelings? Do you absolutely wish to stop thinking negative thoughts? Well then, you’re right on track. 

    Here are 9 tips that will help you tackle negative thinking.

     

     

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    1. Be Aware Of Yourself! 

    If you want to stop thinking negative thoughts, you have to start practicing self-awareness… you have to be mindful and cautious of those ill thoughts.

    So, how do you go about it?

    Get a pen and a paper and find a cool spot where you can reflect without distractions. Ask yourself:

    • What exactly am I thinking?
    • What do I believe about myself? (Positive or negative beliefs?)
    • Are my thoughts in line with the beliefs I have about myself?

    These questions will help you realize your thoughts which are often embedded in what you believe about yourself.  If you believe (positively) in yourself and have an optimistic mindset, it will surely reflect in your thoughts and feelings. The same thing is applicable to when you doubt yourself or when you are pessimistic – your thoughts and emotions will be as negative as hell! 

    And once you allow those cynical thoughts to permeate into your mindset and attitude, that’s when you start feeling like you are trapped in a cage. If you really want to start recuperating from the damages that might have been done already, then start writing down the negative thoughts that often cross your mind.

    Do you always feel that you’re far from good enough? Or that your difficulties will not get better any time soon? Do you always assume the entire world is up against you?

    Just write down those feelings!

    You can only be aware of yourself and your level of negativity if you put them down on paper. This way, you can start taking further steps to deal with the unwanted situation.

    Related: 20 Deep Self-Reflection Questions To Ask Yourself

     

     

    2. Discover The Sources Of Your Negative Thinking 

    Another step in the right direction to stop thinking negative thoughts is to find out the sources of those gloomy thoughts. Now is the right time to ask; why am I feeling this way?

    Often, the negative feelings people experience are as a result of the fact that they are not comfortable with the way their life is going, yet, they are too pessimistic to work on themselves. 

    For instance, when you are dissatisfied with your financial status and you feel like you are too broke to make any difference, chances are you will not work hard and will continue being broke. At some point, you will stop believing in yourself and in your future… And thus, your negative thinking will always continue. 

    Another possible source of negative thoughts is your upbringing. The way you were raised can have a lasting effect on your mentality and mindset.

    If you were raised in an environment where you were constantly compared to other people, there is every tendency you’ll end up feeling “not good enough”.

    Now, for instance, if you grew up in a big family where your siblings all performed better than you in class – and they received accolades for that (while all you received was criticism), chances are, you will grow into an adult who feels like one of the dullest In the world.

    Also, if you were raised by parents who always blamed other people for their poverty, such a mentality can be transferred to you. Hence, you may grow into an adult who does not take responsibility for their actions – consequently, the poverty lineage just continues.

    That being said, it is high time you discovered the sources of your pessimistic thoughts. Because it’s only when you know their sources that you can start taking the necessary preventive measures.

     

     

    3. Start Letting Go Of Those Negative Thoughts 

    Once you’ve acknowledged your negative thoughts and their sources, the next thing is to start letting go of them.

    How do you do this?

    The truth is; it would have been far more complicated if you were still unclear about your negative thoughts and their sources. But now that you’re aware, stopping them is as simple as making certain assertions like;

    • I know this idea is negative and I won’t give it the chance to build up in me!
    • I am familiar with this belief that limits my progress, but this time around, I’m not giving in to it!
    • Oh! here is a negative emotion again… see, you have no power over me this time.

    By telling yourself stuff like this, you let go of those adverse feelings and regain total control of your mind. This way, it becomes easy for you to stop thinking negative thoughts.

     

     

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    4. Out Of Every Seemingly Negative Situation, Discover Something Good

    Most times, we are so submerged in negativities that we hardly look up to see the brighter side of any given situation. But the fact remains that if you must stop thinking negative thoughts, then you have to seek to discover something good out of any seemingly bad situation. 

    Remember, there is always going to be a light at the end of that tunnel. Because no incident is entirely bad. 

    Say, for instance, you had a bad day, or your plans didn’t work out, or maybe you made a crucial attempt and failed – you will easily feel downcast.  However, the ideal way to realize the good side of such negative situations is by asking yourself discerning questions:

    • Does this outcome profit me in any way I never imagined?
    • What lessons have I learned from this incident?
    • What can I do differently when next I’m presented with a similar opportunity to ensure a better outcome?

    Trust me, these questions will not only help you to discover the bright side of that painful situation, but they will also encourage you to grow from it!

    Related: Positive Thinking Tips: 15 Ways To Boost Positive Thinking

     

     

    5. Understand That People Don’t Really Care

    One reason you’re stuck in those negative thoughts is because you worry too much about what people will say about you 

    But here is a quick-relief; people don’t really care (about you, what you say, or what you do) because they have lots of other things to pay attention to! They don’t have so much energy to mind both their businesses and yours, believe it or not.

    I mean, how can a human being with a job, family, kids, and perhaps other responsibilities have the time to dissect your every move? Nope, they’re hardly always paying attention. 

    Sure, there might be a few people like that, but firstly, they need to get a life. And secondly, they should be considered irrelevant – because most people are busier than that!

    So before you let yourself sink in negative thoughts, remind yourself that people are too busy to be focusing on your every move.

    With this reminder, you shouldn’t be restrained by those pessimistic feelings (about what people will think about you), rather, you should be more willing to take bigger steps towards the things that really matter to you.

    Related: How To Stop Worrying What Others Think And Live Your Own Life

     

     

    6. Learn To Question Those Negative Thoughts 

    If you really want to stop thinking negative thoughts, here’s a trick;  start questioning those pessimistic ideas.

    For instance, after a terrible day at work and on arriving home, you feel so weary and saddened,  there is a higher tendency that certain negative thoughts will start creeping into your mind. Consequently, you might forget all your previous wins and start focusing more on the little mistake you made JUST that day…

    At this point, you have to be bold enough to question those negative thoughts. Ask yourself; should I allow this thought to dwell inside my head? Should I really take this idea seriously? Guess what? Your answer will almost always be No. Nope. Nah.

    These sorts of questions will enable you to realize that your life is not defined by one single mistake, rather, it is defined by all other things you’ve always done right!

    Related: How To Remove Negativity From Your Life And Be Happier

     

     

    7. Let It Out  

    By bottling up those negative thoughts, you’re not helping yourself. They will continue to weigh you down until everything about you becomes toxic.

    You have to let it out. Discuss it with someone close to you. You will feel so relieved afterwards. I always agree with that popular slogan that says; a problem shared is a problem half-solved. However, you have to be mindful of who you share your thoughts with so they don’t use it against you in the future. 

    If you don’t have anyone you can trust with your little, dirty secrets, then seek professional counselling. Letting out those negative thoughts will enable you to communicate with someone else who might be highly instrumental in helping you find a realistic solution.

    Remember, two heads are better than one. Well, not two heads on the same body…but, you get it.

     

     

    8. Live In The Moment 

    Whenever you are having negative thoughts, two things are certainly involved;

    It’s either you are worried about what is yet to happen…

    Or you are still worried about what has happened already!

    However, here is a mind-blowing fact: you have little or no direct influence over the future or the past. What you can control is what happens now. In other words, what matters most in your life is what you do today.

    When you do the right thing today, you will not repeat your past mistakes, and at the same time, you are building a brighter future. The reality is; you will basically stop thinking negative thoughts if you start focusing on the present – not the future, nor the past.

     

     

    9. Practice Gratitude

    You have to show gratitude for the little things you have. Appreciate your little successes and achievements!

    Whenever negativity creeps in and is increasingly gaining ground in your mind, always remember the things you are grateful to have in your life. Think about the square meals you can easily afford, the clean water you have access to, your good friends and family, the roof over your head, and many other simple (but important) things you easily ignore.

    Related: 50 Gratitude Journal Prompts To Help You Live Your Dream Life

     

     

    Final Thoughts

    Finally, it’s not enough to just learn how to stop thinking negative thoughts. The most important thing is to practice what you’ve learned! At times, it might get quite difficult to observe these stringent measures, but with intentional efforts, they’re doable. 

    And yes, the end result is absolutely worth the stress.

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  • How To Focus Your Mind When Life Becomes Chaotic

    How To Focus Your Mind When Life Becomes Chaotic

    Life is often filled with ups and downs and ups and more downs.  Not always an easy ride. Sometimes we have a handful of things going on. And as such, it becomes so difficult to handle it all. That’s why today I’d like to share some tips on how to focus your mind and energy on the important things that really matter in life.

    You may be swamped with a job or business that barely gives you time. Perhaps you have a partner who depends on you for most things. Your kids are your responsibility too. What about your old parents – plus your siblings? Then there’s house chores and home management. Besides, you have friends who count on you. And to crown it all, life has not really been smooth because the economy is not always encouraging. 

    Considering how chaotic life can be at times, you might end up acting irrationally, and at the end of the day, you’ll make no headway.  

    When your life is full of confusion, it becomes practically impossible to get things done. The only way to salvage this unwanted situation is to focus your mind. If you really want to get things done, then the most important resource you must command is attention.

    The ability to remain focused on your tasks without quavering – even amidst difficulties – is very important if your aim is to be productive. Our brains are basically wired to function through complicated mechanisms – which subconsciously work for us or against us. 

    Our mental strength mainly consists of our memories, feelings, emotions, temperaments, and subconscious mind. These qualities can either help us to focus our minds or to lose concentration. This is why we need to discipline our minds in order to be more productive – even in this chaotic world!

    Rest assured, in this post, you will learn how to remain focused on any given task while navigating through obstacles and distractions.

     

     

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    How To Focus Your Mind

    1. Eliminate Distractions 

    It’s actually very difficult to stay focused and remain on a task for an extended period. But it is even more complicated when we have lots of distractions to contend with. In today’s world, we are highly interconnected. And for that, a diversion is barely one click away. The distractions are always there. It’s almost like an inescapable phenomenon.

    Even in your quietest moments, you still have distractions sitting next to you – thanks to your mobile phone. Before you know it, you’re already scrolling through your social media, attending to your latest notifications.

    Now, if you must learn how to focus your mind, then you must start eliminating some of these numerous distractions around you.

    Eliminating certain sources of distractions is not always as easy as it seems. Because while it is quite effortless to turn off your television or radio set, it might prove very difficult for you to deal with a co-worker, a partner, a roommate, or a sibling that distracts you.

    One way to deal with this sort of distraction is to seek out a calm place where you can have alone time. There you’ll be able to work without any interruption. This special location could be your room, office, library, or even a serene relaxation park.

    Another way to avoid certain distractions is by setting out a particular time of the day when you’ll request to be left alone. Sure, it might not seem nice to ask your loved ones or co-workers to leave you alone. But it is what it is, you need to avoid certain distractions by being alone.

    However, not all distractions come from external sources. For instance; Worry, fear, discouragement, anxiety, and other internal distractions are quite difficult to bypass. Nonetheless, you can actually avoid some of these internal distractions by having adequate rest before you begin any task. 

    Also, ensure to drive your mind towards harboring only positive thoughts. If you can avoid all sorts of negative ideas, your mind will be way more focused. 

     

     

    2. Plan A Few Critical Tasks For The Day And Visualize Your End Results 

    Our realities are molded by our thoughts. This is simply because our thoughts determine how we feel, and our feelings result in our actions and behaviors. And finally, our actions bring about results.

    If all your thoughts are centered on the results you’ll achieve if you finish your tasks at the end of the day, then you’ll do anything possible to accomplish those tasks!

    Therefore, while planning your day (probably in the morning), specify two or three critical tasks that will take you almost the whole day to complete. Don’t meditate on those tasks shallowly, rather, visualize them and imagine the feeling you’ll have when you accomplish these tasks. 

    If your thoughts are always about those end results, you will be subconsciously focused on how to turn those thoughts into reality. Hence, you will be motivated to work hard and complete the tasks.

    Related: How To Visualize Success In Order To Achieve The Results You Want

     

     

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    3. Take Advantage Of Your Peak Hours 

    If you really want to focus your mind better, then you have to take advantage of your peak hours – those hours of the day when you are most efficient!

    Some people perform better during the day, while others are simply exceptional at night. Some work harder in the morning, others in the afternoon.

    To determine your peak hours, you have to measure your productivity level throughout the day. Pay attention to your energy levels, motivation, thought patterns, moods, and distractions while experimenting on different work hours. Repeating such experiments day after day and week after week will help you draw a credible conclusion.

    For instance, if you want to experiment on “the morning hours”, you can attempt to do the most difficult chores from 8 AM to 10 AM – repeat the process every day for one week. Then the next week, concentrate on doing those tough tasks from 10 AM to 12 PM. 

    As for the “the afternoon hours”, start executing those difficult tasks from 12 PM to 2 PM, or 2 PM to 4 PM, repeat every day for one week… And so on.

    The sum of results you are able to achieve within those time ranges will help you ascertain your peak hours. By doing this, you’ll be able to make the most of your peak hours and become more productive.

     

     

    4. Avoid Handling Multiple Tasks At The Same Time 

    If your aim is to get through a chaotic life, then you have to focus on a single task at a time. Avoid multitasking!

    According to research, multitasking reduces cognitive abilities because our brains are typically designed to fully focus on one task at a time.

    Sure, there are people who manage to handle a couple of chores at the same time. And it is quite an advantage to them. But if you are handling a critical task, you have to fully focus on that single task to avoid costly mistakes.

    In a nutshell, to improve the quality of work and the speed of delivery, you need to avoid multitasking. 

    Related: 10 Effective Time Management Tips That Really Work

     

     

    5. Exercise Your Mind 

    The best way to build your muscles is by exercising regularly, right? Now, that is the same way you should build your mind. You have to exercise your mind (on a regular basis) in order to build your mental strength.

    Learning how to focus your mind is all about constant practice. Whenever you encounter thoughts or things that distract you, you must perceive them as what they are – time and attention killers!

    Whenever you feel weary and feel like giving up on a particular assignment, you must try harder by pushing it a little further. That’s how to exercise your mind, and a good way to build your mental capacity.

    Sure, you might not get to your full mental capacity at the first attempt. But you can build it gradually. 

    For instance, you shouldn’t start by forcing yourself to work for 6hrs straight. You can start with just 30 minutes. Then after a week or two, you can progress to an hour or two… from there you can keep building on it – from strength to strength till you are able to work for 6hrs straight.

    Remember, mental focus is all about constant training (of the mind).

     

     

    6. Build Your Willpower – Be More Disciplined

    Another important way to focus your mind is to be disciplined. One reason people easily get distracted is that they lack the required discipline to build their willpower. They hardly make a decision and stick to it!

    The only way you can make a realistic decision is when you resolve that no matter what happens, your decision stands. 

    Say, for instance, you want to start exercising daily… 

    You shouldn’t decide by saying; “I will exercise today” or “I shall exercise today” (for those who still talk like Shakespeare).

    Rather, your decision should be; “I must exercise today”. Make it compulsory.

    When you sound very certain, that’s when your brain will take your intent seriously – and you will be inclined to perform. Willpower and self-discipline are two important traits that must be developed simultaneously.

    Your willpower is the source of your intent to work – it empowers your actions. On the other hand, your discipline ensures you deal with any distraction or obstacle that undermines your focus. Self-discipline ensures you get past your comfort zone, laziness, or any other intrusive ideas.

    Related: How To Take Responsibility For Your Life And Stop Making Excuses

     

     

    7. Deal With Your Fears

    For any given activity, you either feel pleasure or pain (sometimes indifference). And often, we tend to quickly attend to those pleasurable activities while shying away from those that are seemingly painful.

    The reason most people procrastinate is because of the fear of pain. And that is the same reason they hardly focus.

    Well, it is normal to encounter fears. Because that’s how we are all wired. Nobody wants to be hurt!

    However, if you must maintain your focus at all times – then you must start dealing with your fears. That’s when you will stop procrastinating those difficult tasks and start getting your desired results.

    Related: 9 Tips To Stop Sabotaging Yourself And Your Success

     

     

    8. Live In The Moment

    When you allow yourself to be constantly drawn to past memories, there is no way you can stay focused on the present tasks at hand. And when you are deeply worried about the future, there is every tendency for you to ignore your present needs – which are of course, very important.

    The importance of being present-minded cannot be overemphasized. Living in the moment is all about dealing with your distractions, whether they are physical (your phone) or psychological (your worries), and staying mentally committed to the present situation. 

    Now, the fact is that you cannot change the past and the future is not certain for anyone. So, why bother so much?

    The most important thing is what you are doing at this very moment. Your dealings today can help you avoid repeating your past errors and even drive you towards a more flourishing future. 

    So, why not stop worrying about things that are far-off. And start living in the moment?

    Related: How To Stop Worrying What Others Think And Live Your Own Life

     

     

    9. Always Practice Mindfulness

    The most direct way of learning how to focus your mind is by practicing mindfulness. However, it’s not easy to build your mental capacity up to the level where you are fully mindful. That’s why you have to practice it all the time.

    When you are mindful of your physical and mental space, you can easily deal with any form of distraction or chaos that life throws at you. You will effortlessly stay connected to any task you’re working on.

    A mindful person is an intentional person. And such an individual is fully aware and in charge of any given situation. 

    Want to be a little more focused? It’s simple; be mindful. 

     

     

    Final Thoughts

    Finally, the whole idea is to remain focused despite the turmoil that comes with life… Despite those worries, fears, and anxieties, and amidst those distractions posed by immediate pleasures. Because it’s only when you are focused that you’ll become more productive.

    It will not be easy to make a sudden U-turn (from being distracted to being focused). But if you can gradually put the tips discussed above into constant practice, rest assured, your progress will be simply remarkable.

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  • 15 Powerful Traits Of Confident Women To Adopt Today

    15 Powerful Traits Of Confident Women To Adopt Today

    You’ve probably seen those women who seem unfazed, no matter the situation they face; smiling and standing strong! Have you ever tried to guess why they are the way they are? What comes to your mind whenever you think of the word “confident woman”? Today I’d like to share some of these traits of confident women that you can also make part of your life and daily habits.

    Do you imagine a superwoman with a flowing cape or just an elegant lady in a suit exuding a powerful aura?  Whichever it is, you would agree with me that surely, they do have something in common. Curious? Then, read on.

    In this article, I will reveal to you what has been cultured in the minds of these audacious women…their traits!

     

     

    Traits Of Confident Women

    As with most habits, you can adopt these traits of confident women to give you that boost needed to push you to the top. Nevertheless, you should take note that you do not necessarily need to have all of them to be confident. So, do not see yourself as ‘incomplete’ because of this. Just do well to adopt a number of them, and you are good to go.

    Ready to dive into the deep?

    If so, here are 15 traits – that if adopted today – would bring out the confident self within you:

     

     

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    1. She understands that she is not perfect

    All humans have a tendency to make mistakes, and a confident woman knows and acknowledges this fact. This provides a platform for bold steps such as taking on new risks, a new job or facing any situation without having to worry about whether the turnout would be perfect or not.

    You should mainly focus on giving your best shot to whatever you do and if you need help, do not feel belittled or threatened; ask for help. What possible damage would it cost to ask for help?

     

     

    2. She admits her flaws 

    This tails onto number one. Owing to the fact that she acknowledges she is not perfect, a confident woman is able to own her actions/ choices and admit that she made a mistake whenever the need arises.

     As a confident woman, you should be able to apologize for your mistakes without trying to shift the blame or give excuses for it. More importantly, you must always be ready to take corrective action. Put aside that ego of yours so that you can learn from your mistakes.

     

     

    3. A confident woman does not hold on to past mistakes    

    Having apologized for her mistakes, she releases every guilt she might have had with that situation. She understands that mistakes are meant to make her grow and are not something to hold on to. 

    Guilt is a temporary emotion that is supposed to pave the way for breakthroughs; through corrections from past failures. Guilt from your past mistakes shouldn’t hinder you from taking a step into the next opportunity that might come your way. Learn to move on. A confident woman sees every failure as an opportunity to grow, to expand her horizon.

    Also, you should know that life is not a bed of roses, and you might hurt or be hurt by others in the future. This should not stop you from moving forward. In the wake of adversity, persevere. If possible, try to make enough provisions for those kinds of situations. Learn to let go and do not make it too personal by taking it to heart. Be ready to forgive yourself and let go of the past. 

     

     

    4. She is a good listener

    Another important trait of confident women is that they take time to listen to people. It might seem like talking more or being a good orator is the ideal trait of a confident woman. Yes, it is part of it but do well not to underestimate the power of confidence in silence. 

    A confident woman knows better than to ignore the constructive criticism of others. She might choose to apply what she has heard or decline it, but she makes sure she listens first.

     

     

    Traits Of Confident Women

     

     

    5. She does not conform

    In the previous trait listed, a confident woman listens to others but doesn’t allow it to define who she is. She knows what she wants, listens to people’s criticisms and then decides whether it is useful to her or not.

    It will help if you do not rely on the praises of people to feel good. Have a mind of your own and do not conform to the sheer desires of others just because you want to be liked. Be aware of the fact that you cannot please everyone. 

    Whether or not you do what is right or wrong, some people would still complain. Why then stress yourself trying to please everyone? Doing this is definitely a sure way to failure. Instead, acknowledge the fact that you are a unique personality and you shouldn’t compare yourself with other women.

     

     

    6. A confident woman knows when to say NO

    A confident woman does not make promises beyond her capabilities nor does she over commit. You should know your boundaries and be able to say NO when the situation is not according to what you can make provision for. It’s pretty simple – just say no. 

    Do not over-commit and end up under-delivering. It would be a stain on your white clothing because you would become a person no one can rely on. Too many commitments are not favorable for your all-round health. Learn to say no.

     

     

    7. She practices self-love

    If you do not take care of yourself, you would get exhausted and ultimately, frustrated. Every confident woman knows better than to stress herself trying to please others or overwork herself at her detriment. 

    Take a break, make out time for yourself, take a trip alone, eat well, exercise well. For maximum productivity, you need to be in the perfect state of health. Health is wealth, and it should never be underestimated.

     

     

    8. She chooses her friends wisely

    There is a saying that goes thus “show me your friend and I will tell you who you are”. Most people say it but hardly apply it to their lives. A confident woman understands that her circle of friends plays a huge role in shaping her mindset and personality as a whole, so she is cautious when choosing her friends and not the other way around. Choose positive, like-minded friends who share similar goals with you and are always ready to hold and pull you up whenever it feels like you are drowning.

     

     

    9. She is not complacent

    One of the most essential traits of confident women is that they are never satisfied with being stagnant. A confident woman outdoes herself in everything and everywhere she finds herself. She goes out of her comfort zone to gain more knowledge.

     Be more industrious, read wide and deep; discover yourself. What is that talent you have? What field of study do you have interest in? Love dancing, why not go professional? Playing the instruments? Go for it. Who knows? You might just be the next big thing. Even the little things you count insignificant, they all matter. You would be amazed at what you can actually do. Success is intentional; see it and be it.

     

     

    10. She doesn’t try to be everything

    In as much as she is not complacent, a confident woman doesn’t try to be everything. You might want to be industrious, move out from your comfort zone and all, but you should also know when to stop. 

    Do not try to take on a lot of things at once. It is better to be a master of one than to be a jack of all trades. It would also give you time to perfect the skills you have already acquired and even break new grounds in your current field.

     

     

    11. She uses positive words

    Positive words have a very massive impact on your day and you as a person. Using positive words would shape your mindset towards having a better day in the end, even though there might be ups and downs. Speak positive affirmations to yourself. It could be a prayer or a motivational quote, or probably, just a soothing word – say it regularly!

    A confident woman uses her words to build up not only herself but also other people.

     

     

    12. Confident women set clear goals and take actions on them

    Setting goals is one of the must-have traits of confident women. This acts as a guide for her and helps to cut down unnecessary activities that can deviate her from her goals. It is one thing to set goals and another to take action on them. 

    Unless you take action on your goals, they will remain a mere dream. So, while setting your goals, do well to put the necessary measures in place. Ask yourself what you want to achieve in the next two months and the steps you would take to attain your goal. Now, could you write it down? Put it where you can access it daily, maybe close to your bedside and read it out clearly and loudly every day. Yes, it’s this easy, you are becoming confident already!

     

     

    13. She understands her strengths and weaknesses

    Understanding your personality and what works best for you is a plus. It helps you plan your day, guide you on how to take actions on your goals, keeps you healthy and most importantly, helps you perform to the best of your abilities. 

    For instance, if you tend to assimilate better at night, then you should read more at night, rather than wasting your whole day with a book and getting nothing while you could have used it for a more productive activity.

     

     

    14. A confident woman can take care of herself financially

    Being financially savvy is a fundamental trait of confident women. To be a confident woman, you should be able to stand on your own even if there is no financial support from others. Your partner might prefer to take care of most financial expenditures, but at least, you should be able to take care of the main payments. You do not have to be totally financially dependent on anyone.

    However, it isn’t just about making money, as most people are already thinking. The main issue here is managing the money…Financial intelligence. Acquire it.

     

     

    15. She is not desperate for attention 

    This is often one of the overlooked traits of confident women.

    You do not always have to be the center of attraction. This does not mean you are introverted or running away from the public. It just shows that you are mature enough to let others have that spotlight, and you are also confident because you know that people’s attention doesn’t determine your worth/ value.

     

     

    Related reads:

     

     

    Final Thoughts

    You too can adopt these traits of a confident woman!

    To crown it all, you should have it in mind that the confident women are not necessarily the prettiest, the slimmest, or the most influential/ successful. They are considered as confident women because they disciplined themselves, had a goal in mind and worked towards it while using the constructive criticism of others to build themselves in ways that made them outstanding. 

    Confident women never use people’s opinions as a yardstick to measure their self-worth. They understand what it means to be financially savvy, and to be surrounded by positively, like-minded friends, as well as knowing the right situations to say no. And they see the value of self-love, positive words. 

    They do not try to be everything at once. They have clear goals and follow-up actions they are ready to take to attain their goal. Learning is a constant trait, and they understand that they are not perfect; hence they admit their flaws and make appropriate corrections when necessary.

    Also, as I said earlier, you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you feel you do not have all of these traits of a confident woman. In fact, if you could read this to the end, you are already on the right track!

    The next step is to take action on these outlined traits, adopt them, and you sure are good to go. 

    Go and become a confident woman!

     

     

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    Traits Of Confident Women
  • 9 Tips To Stop Sabotaging Yourself And Your Success

    9 Tips To Stop Sabotaging Yourself And Your Success

    Self-sabotage. That’s a major evil for many of us. It keeps us from living the life we truly want and stops us from reaching our goals. That’s why is really important to identify self sabotaging behaviors and nip it in the bud. I’ll be sharing some of my top tips on how to stop sabotaging yourself so you can really chase after the life and goals you want.

    You must have heard that voice inside of you that keeps questioning your ability, your achievements, your wins, your accomplishments, and even your success. Listening to that voice keeps you away from what you’ve always wanted in life. It keeps you under the shadow of doubts.

    Self-sabotage manifests in different ways. At times, it comes in the form of low self-esteem. These esteem issues are often as a result of the fear that is generated by our own inner voice – it is often a negative voice! 

    For instance, you have a new opportunity – a wonderful opportunity indeed. And you feel like taking it… But then a voice inside you will say; 

    • It’s very risky.
    • You can’t do it. 
    • Remember, you have no experience doing this. 
    • You might fail. 
    • It is difficult. 
    • Others failed here. 
    • What will others think?
    • Just try something else… 

    That voice is simply limiting you. Listening to it will make you miss out on many opportunities. You will fail to set and achieve many goals. That’s the negative effect of self-sabotage.

    It is self-sabotage when, instead of preparing for your interview tomorrow, you are stuck on social media. Of course, you’re limiting your success. You chose the pleasurable activity (social media) apparently because that negative voice made you feel like it’s too difficult to prepare for the interview. 

    It’s also self-sabotage if, after your dietitian told you to avoid junk food so as to lose some pounds, you still can’t stop eating chocolates, pizza, and burgers! (Raise your hand if you’re on this table.)

    Now, how do you deal with this? In this article, I’ll show you just how to stop sabotaging yourself. 

    But before we get to the how, it’s important to know why you need to stop self-sabotage.

     

     

    Why You Should Stop Sabotaging Yourself 

    One of the greatest negativities you can ever embrace is self-sabotage.

    Yes, it’s understandable that many times people can do a whole lot to frustrate you, your plans, your goals, and your mission.

    But then, why should You be the one to frustrate yourself and your entire success? That is unimaginable. But it happens. In fact, that’s what self-sabotage is all about. It’s like engineering your own failure.

    Sure, we all crave success. But it all starts with our ability to stop undermining ourselves, to stop questioning our abilities, and to stop limiting our achievements. 

    If you can deal with that part of you that sabotages your efforts, then you will be more positive and optimistic in life. You will start doing what you used to be afraid of and you will start embracing your greatest fears. You will begin to take bold steps!

    By so doing, you will most likely achieve your goals and success won’t be far-fetched.

    Now, to the main reason you’re here: How To Stop Sabotaging Yourself

    Due to sad past experiences, you might become familiar with failure. This might result in chronic fear. This phobia can also be as a result of how you were brought up. You probably developed low self-esteem in the long run.

    In this kind of situation, you will be scared to try out new things – scared to embrace a new challenge. Scared to make a big move!

    But that’s self-sabotage.

    So, how do you overcome this fear? How do you stop sabotaging yourself? Here are 9 tips to help you!

     

     

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    1. Understand What Self-Sabotage Is

    The fact is, you are more likely to find a solution to a problem if you understand exactly what that problem is.

    In other words, if you want to stop sabotaging yourself, then first, you must understand what “self-sabotage” means. 

    Many of us have these self-limiting habits that we misconstrue as “precaution” or “carefulness”. But in reality, it’s self-sabotage.

    The reason your self-sabotaging behaviors keep lingering is because you often don’t understand that those attitudes are actually limiting you. You only see it like you’re playing safe… At the end of the day, you hurt yourself without even realizing it.

    To avoid this kind of ignorance, the first step to take towards solving this problem is to understand what self-sabotage entails.

    Now, to be clear with this, self-sabotage is simply that habit or mindset that stops you from being you. It is basically anything that comes from “within” you that prevents you from achieving your ultimate goal(s) in life.

    Based on this definition, it is left for you to ask yourself; how am I sabotaging myself?

     

     

    2. Realizing Your Self-Sabotaging Habits 

    Having understood what self-sabotage means, the next thing is to recognize those self-sabotaging habits you exhibit. Find out the self-limiting and self-destructive stuff that tend to undermine your progress. 

    Some common self-limiting habits or mindsets are:

    • Procrastinating unnecessarily: This is one behavior that holds many people back. Hence, a popular slogan holds that; delay is dangerous!
    • Negative Self-talk: If all you do is talk negatively about yourself, nothing can make you believe in yourself… Consequently, you will become pessimistic. And as a result, you will never succeed because you will never try. 
    • Perfectionism: The truth remains that nobody is perfect, and nobody will ever be. So, if you’re waiting till you’re perfect before doing what needs to be done, then you’ll never really do anything. 

    If you are doing any of the aforementioned, then please stop! That’s self-sabotage. And it won’t allow you to make any progress.

     

     

    Stop Sabotaging Yourself

     

     

    3. Understand Why You Are Sabotaging Yourself 

    If you must stop sabotaging yourself, then you have to first understand why you are self-sabotaging. What are the deep-rooted causes of your self-sabotage? The truth is that there are different reasons you subconsciously undermine yourself. Find out why!

    Is it because of your deep-seated fears? Anxiety? Or because over time, your self-esteem got lower? Is it because you are hypersensitive? Or are you depressed?

    Are you sabotaging yourself because you lack self-confidence? Or is it because you’re overly assertive? Are you undermining yourself because you work too hard and get too little to show for it? Are you the workaholic type with no results?

    Or is it that you’ve achieved so much and now, you no longer feel like trying out stuff? 

    Are you impairing yourself because you are an introvert and you lack the basic social interactive skills? Do you simply suck at communication?

    If you can ask yourself these questions, you’re likely to find out the cause(s) of your self-limiting attitude (or thoughts). 

    That being said, what is the cause of your self-sabotage? Jot them down.

     

     

    4. Address Your Fears 

    What are your fears? If you want to stop sabotaging yourself, then you have to stand and face those things you dread the most. Be ready to embrace them. You don’t have to shy away.

    As a matter of fact, you only feel like it’s impossible because you are scared. If you can remove that fear, you will begin to see the possibilities.

    Instead of backing off because of panic, rewrite your fears from a different viewpoint. For instance, if your fear is because of previous failures, you can simply choose to focus on the present. 

    What are the facts about the task at hand? If you can deal with those facts, then you have nothing to worry about. 

    Just so you know, you can actually reverse your fear into inspiration. It’s just a matter of perspective. You have to decide to attack that fear by facing it anyway. Deal with it!

    It mustn’t be about solving the whole problem at once… You can take it one step at a time. Every little step forward actually matters. It’s always going to be a gradual process.

     

     

    5. Surround Yourself With Positive People 

    The people you keep close to yourself says a lot about the kind of mindset you have. Mediocrity begets mediocrity. Positivity begets positivity. 

    Most people who sabotage themselves only do so because the people they communicate with (or are connected to) are mostly self saboteurs too.

    You have to watch the set of people you mingle with… Are they the type who are immersed in self-doubt? Do they always have a reason to say no? Are they pessimists?

    As a matter of fact, when you only associate with people who would always dissuade you from taking up new challenges, you will definitely start buying their suggestions at some point. 

    It might even get to the point where you will start doubting yourself subconsciously. So, try as much as possible to avoid such negative-minded people. 

     

     

    6. Be Realistic

    It’s vital that you understand your reality. It will help you to be you, and as such, you will always go for what you want without having a double mind about it. Being realistic is mainly about understanding that nobody is perfect. And that you (particularly) can’t be correct at all times. 

    Perfectionism makes you set impossible standards. As a perfectionist, you’ll most likely be physically and mentally stressed trying to make everything perfect. And at the end of the day, you won’t meet that “perfect” standard you aspire to.

    That’s why you have to be realistic with your expectations. It will help you to be yourself. And hence, your goals will be obtainable without much stress.

    Besides, perfectionism will deter you from a whole lot. Because you will tend to wait until a perfect time before you can execute your goals. Of course, that’s not what you want to do if you wish to stop sabotaging yourself. 

     

     

    7. Set Goals And Make Plans To Achieve Them 

    It’s almost impossible to stop sabotaging yourself if you don’t know what you want (or what you expect) in life.

    When you are uncertain about what to expect, your self-esteem will be low. You will find it difficult to take those bold steps. You will feel incompetent, and as a result, you will see yourself withdrawing from any challenge you encounter.

    How do you counteract this?

    You simply have to be clear about your goals. And of course, you must make plans to achieve them. Setting a goal will give you a clear pathway towards achieving your aspirations for the future. 

    While we live in an uncertain world, when you have a goal and a solid plan to achieve the goal, you will be a little more certain about what to expect. 

     

     

    8. Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone 

    Hey, this is the real deal. 

    After setting your goals, you have to get out of your comfort zone to achieve them! Often, the reason you undermine your success is because you prefer staying where you are comfortable. You only do things you feel comfortable doing.

    Well, it’s natural. We’re all wired to seek convenience. However, if you must stop sabotaging your success, you have to be willing and able to do things a bit differently – even if it makes you very uncomfortable.

    Nothing extraordinary actually comes to you in your comfort zone… Be mindful of that.

     

     

    9. Change Your Behavioral Pattern 

    Changing your pattern of behavior is probably one of the most difficult tasks of all. But then it goes a long way to determine if you’ll stop the attitude of self-sabotage or not.

    You simply have to deal with those behavioral tendencies that limit you from being what you want to be – or getting the results you’ve always wanted.

    How do you change your behavioral pattern? 

    First, you have to understand that any behavior you exhibit begins from your mindset! After all, every action takes place in the mind – first – before we even reveal them. That’s why you must change your mindset if you want to change your behavior. 

    Remember, it’s always one particular voice in your head that will dissuade you from making those big moves. Now, ask yourself; is that a negative or a positive voice?

    To change your negative behaviors, you have to stop listening to those negative voices. You should start listening more to that voice that propels you to take a step!

     

     

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    Final thoughts

    It’s not always easy to adopt all these measures to stop sabotaging yourself. It takes lots of time, dedication, and conscious effort!

    However, the end result is quite extraordinary. 

    You will be amazed at how much you can achieve if you stop undermining yourself and your success.

     

     

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    Stop Sabotaging Yourself